More birthdays than the Queen!

Normally, if you’d asked me if I would like a snow day I’d be jumping up and down, but Friday was 9’s birthday and she can barely cope with her emotions when things go to plan, let alone when they have to be changed.

The Birthday plan:download

  • Dad having day off so we could open presents together before school
  • Spending the day with her friends at school, with dance club after. Had sweets ready to take in and share with her class
  • Going on her new bmx after school
  • Had the option of attending the school disco, but asked to out for a curry instead
  • Sat am – final dance lesson before exam
  • Sat pm – haircut
  • Sat late pm – tobogganning and snow tubing party
  • Sun pm – dance exam

So, the snow meant:

  • No school on the day or the day before
  • Not seeing her friends at school or being able to take in sweets
  • Not being able to go out on her bike
  • No meal as couldn’t get out of our drive to the restaurant
  • Dance lesson and dance exam postponed
  • Party postponed

9 has to know exactly what is happening minute by minute and never enjoys the present as she is always worrying about what is coming up next. She is always worried about not having/doing the same as everyone else and so the fact that her birthday had to be put on hold  was a potential time bomb. Fortunately we made the most of it – and to be honest she probably had a better time.

What we did:


  • Opened presents and had a leisurely cooked breakfast
  • Played with toys
  • Had a visit from my Auntie
  • My sister walked round with her 2 children and they were able to all play together, both inside and in the snow
  • Had birthday cake with her cousins
  • Walked up to the shop so she could choose what to eat for tea – pizza and curly fries
  • Downloaded Monster Family and watched that as a family (although dad fell asleep)


  • Played Mario Kart
  • Got out indoor raclette (never used before) and had an indoor BBQ
  • Walked to have hair cut
  • Snow much better so managed to get to swimming lesson (her favourite thing of the week)
  • Postponed party to next week (all but one of her friends can still make it)
  • Had visit from her sister with presents

Still to go:

  • Still got to take sweets in to school
  • Big brother still got to get her present to her
  • Birthday meal still to happen
  • Party still to go

So, instead of having a birthDAY it appears she’s having a birthWEEK!

It could have gone so much worse, but we discussed every decision we had to make and tried to turn it into a positive for her. She has done so well dealing with all the disruption and the disappointment and I’m very proud of her!

Still hasn’t been out on her bike though…….


Discounted London

Not sure what it is about the place, but my 2 absolutely love London. We’ve taken to going there at least 2 times a year and you don’t have to break the bank either.


If you don’t mind staying out of the the city centre you can find really cheap hotels, but for our last 2 visits we have stayed in the Travelodge at Covent Garden. You can get some really good deals and breakfast and wifi is always a bonus. Staying here means you are also only minutes away from the entertainment in Covent Garden and you haven’t got far to carry your bags from the tube – and if you are feeling really flush Mr Fogg’s Gin Palace does a very nice G&T (although you have to drink outside as kids aren’t allowed in and they know how to charge….)

Getting Around

We travel the 116 miles or so via train – under £17 return for the 4 of us with a friends and family railcard (plus an additional £12 or so for car parking). The only downside is that with London Midland you can’t reserve seats, so you have to rely on luck to all sit together (although if you get to Euston early you can be first on the train and bag the seats with a table for the return journey), but when we’ve caught the Virgin train booking seats has always been easy to do. We’ve also now got an Oyster card for our tube (and bus, although we’ve never used these) so unlimited travel is less than £7 a day as kids travel free. On our most recent trip we rarely used the tube as we now know our way round a little bit better and most things are within walking distance of each other. I was really worried about our two on all the escalators and packed tubes, but this is all part of the experience for them and they jump on the nearest free seats as quickly as they can.

To Do

You can’t be bored in London and it doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg – especially when all the museums and galleries are free, and if you go in good weather there are loads of parks to run round in. Ours always want to see Big Ben and Buckingham Palace and are just as excited with a trip to the M&M shop (although we only tend to buy anything there when there is a sale – I can’t believe how expensive it is!). If you travel by train you also get 2-4-1 entry into loads of attractions so it’s worth a look online. There are loads of other offers too. This time round we used our train tickets to book onto the London Eye, which the girls had been badgering to go on. Even with the mist and rain it was a great experience. My husband isn’t very good with heights, but the pods move really slowly and you can’t see the structure move, so he was surprisingly ok with it all. Then we nipped into Shrek’s Adventure (more to get out of the rain than anything else, and we had done the Science Museum and a bit of the V&A the previous day). It was surprisingly good. There was a 3D ride to start you off and then you met a number of characters along the way – culminating in a photo opportunity with Shrek himself. The kids absolutely loved it! We always get in a show too. This time we went to see Aladdin – which was amazing! Seats were in the gods, but you never have a bad seat in the West End. Look out for Kids Week in the summer where you can get a kids ticket free with an adult one for loads of different shows. Last year we saw Wind in the Willows and Going on a Bear Hunt on consecutive days. In previous visits we’ve been to the Tower of London, which was really good, along with the Natural History Museum, Hamley’s and Harrods.

Eating Out

Again, look out for deals. I’d already secured a 20% off voucher for Zizzi’s before we left and when we went into TGI Friday’s on a whim I downloaded their app and got a kids meal free. We met a friend before going to see Aladdin and he recommended we eat at Herman ze German. It was fab – german wurst and chips, along with a pint of German beer. Not too heavy before sitting down to a show eitherUnknown.

So, the next trip will be during Kids Week in the summer, but the hubby can plan that one seeing as though he is retiring in June. The Oyster card will remain in my wallet, the railcard will be renewed and the Travelodge will have us as guests once again. The only real decision is which show to go and see……got my eye on The Lion King next time.

Through the eyes of others

Trauma and attachment are continual parts of our lives. Our children struggle to cope if we give too much attention to others, they are continually sticking their noses into other people’s business to check they aren’t missing out and behaviour (good or bad) is there to gain our attention.

This weekend I’ve seen them through the eyes of others; those who don’t know their past or why they behave as they do.

Friday night we went to watch dad play guitar in an am-dram show of High School Musical. As soon as we arrived they were introduced to the rest of the band members and both girls kept asking them questions and engaging them in conversation. I know that they were showing off to gain attnetion because they didn’t want to feel left out and didn’t want dad to converse with others without them. However, the band members simply saw two confident girls who wanted to chat. They spoke to them again, both at the interval and at the end of the show to check they had enjoyed it and thought they were lovely girls (which they are by the way!). At the interval we did the obligatory toilet stop and as we were leaving 8 wasn’t right behind me where I thought she was. Then I see her holding the door open for an old lady to leave safely. This lady then delighted in telling me that 8 had shown her where the bin was to put her paper towel in and had then helped her out of the toilet. 8 is very caring, but she would also have been staring around at what others were doing as we were leaving and involving herself in anything else that was going on. Of course, the lady wouldn’t have known this and she just saw the concern 8 had for her wellbeing.

Yesterday was swimming. 8 went up a stage and 6 isn’t far behind, but part of them doing so well is their desire to please others. There hands are constantly going up to ask and answer questions and they need to be the first to do everything,Screen Shot 2018-02-11 at 10.26.04 so will volunteer to demonstrate things to others. The teacher just sees really engaged students, but I know differently….

So yes, trauma has affected their behaviour, and will continue to do so, but actually it isn’t all negative when seen through the eyes of others. Sometimes I’ve got to look past the trauma and the reasons for why they behave in certain ways and look at the positives it can bring. Some of these behaviours are so ingrained they will never change, so maybe we need to look at where they can be channelled in a more positive direction…



I’veimages struggled this weekend and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

8 suffers from more effects of trauma than her younger sister. We have battled through stealing, a lack of confidence, hugging everyone she meets and many more issues, coming out the other side reasonably unscathed. However, the one thing I am really struggling with is her lying.

She lies about most things. The only time she seems to tell the truth is when she knows it is extremely serious. This in itself is a good thing, as she has admitted to stealing and bullying in the past and we have been able to deal with these issues. However, the small lies are the ones that are really getting to me.

Saturday started off a stream of porkies. She felt sick – then she didn’t feel sick – then she did feel sick – then she didn’t feel sick. Then…….she was sick!!! The problem for her here was that if she was feeling sick (her sister had been ill previously that week) then she couldn’t go to swimming or dance lessons. Her mind kept changing because she wanted the attention of being sick, but also didn’t want to miss her activities. The problem for us was we were damned if we did and damned if we didn’t. Do we take her dancing and she is ill everywhere, or do we not let her go and she is absolutely fine and just looking for that extra bit of attention?  As it happened, we made the right call and she stayed at home.

Then we have tall tales about her birthday party. X says she might not be able to come because her mum says she might be doing something else that weekend. Then I get a text from said parent to say she has only just been given the invitation and X would love to come. Was she trying to convince herself people had reasons for not coming in case no-one replied, or was she just talking for the sake of something to say???

We then had moussaka for tea (something neither girl had had before). 8 told me it was lovely and on her list of things to eat and then proceeded to play around with it, before it was taken away from her and put in the bin. Was she still feeling ill? Didn’t she like it? Was she still hungry?  Again she was unable to answer, changing her mind like other people change their socks. First she wasn’t hungry, then she felt ill, then she didn’t like it….

So again, we were left with a problem. Did we assume she was still unwell and put her to bed without more food, or did we make her some toast to stop her being hungry, that could have resulted in making her sick again?

I understand she is scared of being told off. I also understand that she is keen to please and will tell us whatever she thinks we want to hear. But, it makes it very difficult to look after her and make the right decisions when she constantly lies about everything. How can I stick up for her at school if I don’t know whether she is telling me the truth? How can I make sure I keep her off school when I don’t know whether she actually feels ill or not?

The small things documented here were only from 2 days. The lying is constant and I feel like we are in the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Will she ever grow out of it, or will she always feel that she has to please?

I feel sure I will have to stand up alongside her in a number of battles in the next few years. Will I be able to tell when I need to stand up for her and fight her corner or will there always be that little seed of doubt at the back of my mind?

I know I will always love and protect her to the best of my ability – but it would be so much easier if she trusted me enough to tell me the truth!



It can’t be just me?

Have I always been this way?

Think I might have been……

Has bringing up 6 children, none of whom are related to me by blood, made me into this or would I be like it anyway?

When with others, why have I always been on tenterhooks waiting for a child to put a foot wrong?

Why do I spend my time, when out and about, apologising for every small misdemeanour my children make when other parents never seem to apologise for their children as they never do anything wrong?

Why do I watch for any small change in the faces of my children to stop behaviours before they even surface, even though many people think I’m just a killjoy?

Why do I think of how to approach every situation well in advance, working out how to deal with any thing that may follow when others don’t see that anything will go wrongdownload?

Do I all do this because I still worry about what people think of me as a parent, or worry what people will think of my children?

Should I just relax……?

All of these questions hit me yesterday when I took the children for a quick swim before their swimming lesson.

It was called ‘family fun’ so I wasn’t expecting a great deal of serious swimming to be happening, but I also didn’t expect giant floats thrown on top of my girls by other children! Did they, or their parents, apologise? I think you know the answer to that….

One woman had a small child with a noodle wrapped around him for safety – good parenting you might think! But then she had another wrapped around herself. We were in the section roped off for children and if she stood up the water would only have come to the top of her thighs!! The problem was that she was swinging her child round in big circles, with no spatial awareness at all. I give up how many times one of the ends of the noodles came close to smacking me and my girls round the face.

What was I doing? Constantly looking round to check the girls wouldn’t bump into anyone when they pushed off from the wall to try to swim. I spent the whole 30 minutes apologising to children and adults alike when my girls nearly swam into them. I wouldn’t mind, but it wasn’t the girls swimming into them, it was them just jumping in the way without looking themselves.

I think I’d rather be the one to apologise, rather than the one being ignorant, but is it just me who’s hypervigilant????


It’s Christmas….and I’m Relaxed

For the past 3 years Christmas has been both brilliant and a trial, with our girls creating new family traditions, getting far too over-excited, not being able to control their emotions and us waiting for the big meltdowns. We’ve guessed what presents they might like and have been suffered the disappointment of watching them not be played with. We’ve tried to fit in too much, as with 4 step-children, 2 adopted children and 4 grandchildren there are so many people to try and please.

I’m not quite sure what happened this year, but I’m sitting here able to write this while my husband is watching TV (a channel that isn’t CBBC) and the girls are upstairs playing Jingle Bells on their children’s piano. This year I am relaxed. This year we have had fun!

What have we done? I’m not sure, but the following factors may have contributed:

  • Most presents were bought and wrapped before the end of November, so there wasn’t the mad rush to get everything done last minute, dragging them round endless shops etc
  • Kept busy with non-christmassy things in the few days before. One of my step-sons wanted his living room wallpapering and so they spent all day in the park with his girlfriend one day and the following day they had to keep out of the way while their big sister moved out to live with her boyfriend.  The initial upset of her leaving was soon forgotten when her bedroom was turned into a playroom for them. Then we fed the ducks etc etc
  • Visited my side of the family on Christmas Eve, but came home before they became over-excited so we could prepare for Santa’s visit and have an early night
  • Had a low-key Christmas Day. Originally we were going to have a house full, but due to circumstances there was just the 4 of us for most of the day, with the big-sister and boyfriend dropping in for a few hours in the late afternoon. We also had to spend part of the morning visiting my mother-in-law in her residential home, so they had to take a break for this in the morning and then in the afternoon we took the dog out of an evening walk. Both of these events kept them calm and I don’t remember me having to tell them off at all
  • Boxing day could have gone horribly wrong as we did have a house full – 13 of us! But instead of trying to get everyone’s attention all day they simply played in their room with their nephew (more like a cousin) and asked one of the adults to go up and play with them every now and again
  • Buying the right presents (although this bit was a bit of a fluke) – interestingly the stuff they asked for has hardly been played with, but the surprises they received have been played with continuously (an old style Mario race track; a child’s piano, a little dolls house, their new Kindle Fire’s)

So, it’s nearly New Year and just 3 more days at home before they go back to school. Keeping them calm tomorrow might be a bit of a challenge as the foster carers are coming to see the New Year in with us all. It might not be too bad as we only met up with them 3 weeks or so ago, but it will be nice for them to see the girls in their home environment for the first time since they dropped them off over 3 years ago.

So, I’m going to sign off now. I finished the book I was bought for Christmas earlier today and need to download a new one onto my Kindle. This is the first period of time since they arrived that we have been able to watch what we want on TV or sit and read a book, without constant interruptions and shouts of ‘Muuuuuuuuummmmmmyyyy’ every 5 minutes.

IMG_3847I doubt it will last, but I’m savouring it while I can.


She Nearly Killed the Crazy Elf….

Before I begin, I think it fair to point out that I know a number of adopted children really struggle with the concept of Santa and Christmas, but we have been really lucky. This will be Christmas No. 4 for us and apart from 8 getting a little over excited we are doing quite well here. We kept our first one very low key, but they have managed well in the intervening years and we are just about able to treat Christmas ‘normally’ now. in fact my husband has been and bought a blow up 5ft snowman this year, which has really bought the tone of the neighbourhood down.

We have already had school concerts and shows (including my own) and these next 2 days at school are being spent watching films and having Christmas parties, so I doubt much will be done in the way of work. My girls cope quite well with this, but 8 can struggle to regulate herself if she gets too excited. So, evenings are being spent trying to keep calm. We’ve bought them both a new book so that they can read to (and with) us every night to try and regulate emotions before bedtime.

Along with the usual chaos of Christmas, we also have my stepdaughter moving out this week (if she can get the keys), my stepson requiring DIY to be completed and we have an eye on our newest grandson who was discharged from hospital again this week. So, as you can imagine any chance of relaxing is out of the question, especially as we have a house full over the Christmas period. Will anyone invite us tho their one year so I don’t have to cook? I doubt it!

Yesterday though was another meet up with the girls’ old foster carers. We have seen them 3 times now – all in the last year or so – and we all look forward to getting together. This time we planned to meet up at Wonderland at Telford, where the girls could go and see Santa. We were meant to go last week, but with the weather being so awful Wonderland were really good at reissuing our tickets so we didn’t miss out. For young kids it was great. There were little rides they could go on unlimited times, loads of decorations, fake snow and staff dressed as Elsa and Elves to keep you entertained. They also had hat sausage rolls and hot chocolate, so what more could you wish for?

I’ve never been precious about keeping memories for myself and was more than happy to share our Santa visit with the foster carers. We queued up at our allotted time and were taken to a room full of toys with a roaring log fire. Santa was definitely the real one. He knew that 8 talked in her sleep and told all us adults that we were on the ‘must try harder’ list, which the kids found hilarious. The visit wasn’t rushed and the big man himself suggested we all had a photo together – the only one we have of all of us together! Although the naughty elf, did take an ‘elf’ before getting round to taking ones of us.

It was while we were queuing up that we had the elf incident……

One of the elves had far too much energy and the kids were having a great time playing with him and being entertained. He went to rest his weary legs for a few minutes on a fence and 6 shouted at the top of her lungs “Crazy Elf!!!!” It took him a little bit by surprise and he fell off the fence, into the mulch behind, ripping his costume in the process…..  To be fair to him, he stayed in character and slid around trying to right himself with my girls absolutely killing themselves laughing.

By the end of a few hours we were very cold, but full of Christmas spirit (and not the gin kind). The foster carers had been on holiday since we saw them last and handed over huge bags of presents as we made our way back to our respective homes. So, the journey back was spent looking at cuddly toys, necklaces, home made scarfs etc.

I have to say that we have now become one big family. When we were going through introductions it did get a little bit tense as it came close to the girls leaving them, but as they said yesterday, they just get the good bits now and look forward to seeing them looking so happy!

So, just 7 sleeps more until Santa comes. So hope I’ve made it onto the good list by then…..IMG_3804


Schools – they can make a difference!

As many will have seen from by blog posts, after 20 years of teaching I am looking to ‘get out’ and make a difference elsewhere, hopefully with either adopted or fostered children, possibly still within education. However, while I am still there I have decided to try and make a difference to some of our LAC within out institution.

It all started a couple of week ago. I already head up the RADY programme (Raising the Attainment of Disadvantaged Youngsters), which sets challenging targets for everyone entitled to PP and then helping to support them to reach them. As part of this I went to meet with the Virtual School to look at how RADY techniques can be used as part of the PEP. In our first meeting it became apparent that the VS thought schools were doing more and schools weren’t always doing it right – a complete lack of communication. The really noticeable problem was that the Inclusion Managers tended to do the PEPs and no-one from the academic side was involved, so academic targets weren’t being set and interventions weren’t always appropriate.

So, me being me, I went back and kicked up a little bit of a fuss. I had agreed with a member of the VS that I would attend the next PEP. I made sure that the Designated Teacher attended (had never attended one before as hadn’t received any training), made sure paperwork was completed in advance, made sure the ePEP was displayed (rather than being read out) and made sure academic targets were set. I also met the foster carer and found out more about the child’s circumstances, which has since allowed me to communicate with home directly.

The following week the VS attended another PEP, which wasn’t being carried out correctly and asked for me to be called to attend.

More PEPs happened the next week. I didn’t attend, but information was communicated to me after the meeting so I could follow up strategies and organise interventions.

This can only be positive for the parents/carers and the children.

I’m not blowing my own trumpet here, because I have done very little if I’m honest.  It doesn’t take much to get things right. In 2 weeks the following have happened:

  1. Senior Management have agreed to formalise the PEP meetings so that:
  •                   Information is gathered about previously set targets from teaching staff before the PEP and all paperwork is completed BEFORE the meeting
  •                   Academic and pastoral staff attend the meeting and everything is written up/edited DURING the meeting
  •                  Relevant teaching staff are informed of the new targets AFTER the meeting

2.   I have direct contact with home so academic queries can be followed up immediately (takes time if it goes through the Inclusion Manager).

3.   This direct contact has allowed me to effectively liaise with teachers re suitability of the curriculum and to also ask them to tread carefully when issues have arisen out of school that affect the emotions of the child

4.  After school tutoring by school staff has been organised (payed for by VS) rather than students being sent to external organisations – must be better in terms of raising attainments and filling in gaps in understanding!

5.   One of our LAC students had applied to attend the World Scouts Jamboree in North America in 2019. He filled in the application himself (a major achievement when you consider his history) and beat over 400 other children to represent our region. Mum wanted it celebrating, but low key as he struggles with praise and self esteem. So I’ve been able to make him Student of the Week (along with other students so attention isn’t forced on him), the Principal has written him a letter for his memory book and is having lunch with him this week so he can find out more about it. He will also be asked to join Student Voice on the back of it too.

6.   Oh, and PEP training has been carried out for key staff too (amazing they weren’t already fully trained)

So this isn’t about what I’ve achieved, it’s about what can be done in a short space of time which can make a massive difference. There should be someone within every school who champions these students!!

Why did I do it? Because I read on Twitter every day about how our children are being treated unfairly by the system and how teachers don’t understand how to work with them effectively. I wanted to show it can be done and with very little effort. Although PP children come under my remit, LAC provision has previously been dealt with elsewhere and it’s time for better communication between those setting the targets,Unknown those filling in the PEPs and the SEN department (when necessary). Communication is key, between staff and with home, and it really doesn’t take much to make a difference…..


A Blended Family

Let’s put my family in context. My husband has four children from his first marriage. The eldest and the youngest came to live with us when they were 18 and 13 respectively. Before they moved in we tried to have a family of our own naturally, but this was not to be. So we looked into adoption around 2005.

During the initial LEA visit we were told if this went ahead our current children would not be allowed to stay overnight with us for about six months, and so we decided that the time wasn’t right and we put all our focus into the family we already had.

Fast forward to 2012, and we moved home into a larger house with spare rooms. My husband made an off-the-cuff comment about how we now had room and the two kids who weren’t living with us didn’t stay over any more, so we could look into adoption again. Two weeks later I made the initial phone call to Adoption Focus who were to support us for the next year.

We spoke to all four children about the idea before we went ahead with enquiries. Their feelings had to come first, and if they weren’t happy about it and didn’t want to share their Dad with anyone else then so be it. Surprisingly, they were all on board.

They didn’t have it easy though. All four of them and their mum had to come to meetings, and were asked to relive the time my husband moved out. We don’t know what they were asked in the interviews (because quite frankly it is none of our concern), but I do know that they were detailed and very emotionally draining. But even through all of that they still stood by us.

They were the first people we told when we were approved at panel and they were constantly in our minds when going through the matching process. The eldest had left home by this point to move in with his girlfriend and her son, so we also had to consider how any new children would fit in with them. Initially we were considering one child, but our social worker convinced us a sibling group would be better. With hindsight she was spot on, as I can feel a little on the sidelines when all four of them get together, so at least the kids would have each other.

Matching was an interesting experience because we had to consider our existing family – kids and grandkids.  We knew that taking on children with possible sexualised behaviours would not have been ideal, and we were forced to become very realistic about what we could cope with. We didn’t want to let our new children down by putting them in a situation they couldn’t cope with.

Something clicked with us when we first saw the profiles of the girls we eventually adopted, and we put all our energies into pursuing them. We kept all of the kids informed every step of the way and involved them in our decision-making process, especially the youngest who would be living with them.

The day after we met the girls, we got together with the older children at the crematorium (it was a year since my father-in-law had died) and we were able to tell them about them and show them pictures.

A week later when the girls came home, their new siblings wgave them a week to settle in before coming round the visit them (the one who lived with us was on holiday that week too). Straight away you could see a bond forming. The birth children didn’t see the newcomers as a threat to their relationship with their Dad at all. If anything, they are treated more like nieces than sisters because of the age gap. This means they get treated and spoilt rather than fought and bickered with.

We organised the house so that our youngest can have her own space when she needs it. We would rather she spent time with the girls because she wants to rather than is forced to.

Three years on and they are an integral part of our family. They have been asked to be bridesmaids and we have gone on holiday with our eldest child and his family. It always amuses me that they are aunties to an 8 year old, especially when they are only six and eight themselves. It’s great for our grandson as when he is with our family he has children of his own age to play with rather than being with boring grown-ups.

The adult children now visit us more than they would have done if the girls weren’t around, and one of them in particular always brings them some chocolate and/or a magazine. They are also very good at knowing when I need a break and will take them out for a while, to the zoo or to the cinema. In fact the girls are used by their elder siblings as an excuse to go and see films like Cars and Captain Underpants at the cinema.

Pride of place in our house is a picture of me, my husband and our six children. None of them is related to me by birth, but all of them have a unique place in my heart. Life hasn’t always been easy, with one of the elder children coping badly with my husband’s divorce, but I’m pleased to say that if anything our two youngest have brought the family back together. We are closer now than we have ever been.

The age difference between the four older ones and the younger two works. They don’t see themselves as being any more important than anyone else, but the one who lives with us can still be ‘daddy’s little girl’ where her birth siblings are concerned, but now also has a very important role as a big sister and role model to her younger sisters.

All four of the big kids are proud to have adopted sisters and I am proud of them for accepting them with all of their hearts!




Consideration….why is it that I think some people have no idea what this is.

I was brought up always thinking of others, as was my husband and so we quite often miss out on things because we put the feelings/activities of others first. We rarely ask for anyone to babysit our girls as we know that they can be a handful at times and we don’t want to put anyone else out and disrupt their plans. We chose to adopt the girls and so they are always our first priority. It was the same before we adopted where my step kids were concerned. We never missed our weekends with them; even coming back for a few days on our Honeymoon to have them at the correct time. We’d only go on holiday if they were away with their mum and if they weren’t taken that year we would always have them. I appreciate that people would babysit for us if we asked them, but we aren’t that type, we mistakenly believe that people will offer…

However, this blog isn’t about me whinging about my lack of a social life. When you adopt you are always very wary about the behaviour/reactions of your children. You are always on tenterhooks looking for triggers and avoid putting them in situations that they can’t cope with. You are always thinking about others….

I remember parties being an issue in the first year or so as we didn’t know how they would behave, were wary of them taking/hoarding food, getting upset if they didn’t win pass the parcel etc. It was the same with the cinema. Because the eldest doesn’t have much in the way of concentration so far I have only taken them to the cheap kids days showing where it only costs a couple of quid and everyone is a little bit noisy.  Oddly enough we don’t have the same issue with taking them to West End/Am Dram musicals. Both will sit through these with no problem at all – possibly because it is real people, possibly because it is full of colour, possibly because there is lots of high energy singing and dancing.

I therefore have no problem taking them to London on occasion and spending a fortune on tickets, because I know they will enjoy it and I know they won’t disrupt the viewing of others.

Yesterday we went to see The Lorax in London – just going up for the day (leaving on an 8:25 train and getting back at 21:59). We had a wander round Hamleys, met up with a friend of the husband’s for lunch, going to the show and then mooching around Covent Garden in the evening. Tickets weren’t as expensive as some London shows, but they weren’t cheap either. Kids had their normal talking too about their behaviour and being considerate of others, but for the first time ever our kids weren’t the ones we should have been concerned about.

The advertising made it very clear it was aimed at an audience of 6 years and above, but it was full of toddlers…..who had no idea how to behave! And parents who had no idea how to control them. As soon as the lights went off the kid next door to my husband started screaming he wanted to leave or he wanted the toilet – which caused disruption to the entire row on 2 occasions as we had to stand up to allow him to get out. The kid in front of me just kept shouting he wanted to leave and when would it end, jumping and stamping his feet every 30 seconds or so. The mother’s of the kids in front just chatted at the interval about how it was too long to expect them to sit…don’t bring them then!!

It didn’t spoil the experience for the girls, but why don’t other parents think about the behaviour of their kids too and the impact it has on others? I’d rather be an adopter and considerate…..images